RELATIONSHIP QUALITY: A COMPONENT OF EMOTIONAL WELLBEING

This article is based on my research paper that I had recently presented in a conference held in New Delhi, which will also very soon be published as a chapter in a book on Positive Psychology.

Emotional wellbeing is a broad term that includes feelings, behavior, relationships, goals, and personal strengths. It refers to the emotional quality of an individual’s everyday experiences and occurs when a range of feelings, such as, energy, openness, confidence, enjoyment, happiness, calmness, care, etc. are combined and balanced.

Experiencing emotional wellbeing does not mean being happy all the time. It, rather, means feeling all right and not suffering mental distress, depression, or anxiety. Therefore, when feelings are managed in a constructive manner, do not cause too much of distress, and enable to maintain positive and effective relationships, then it is said to be a state of emotional wellbeing.

Emotional wellbeing has found to be associated with a number of factors, which can be seen by having a look at figure 1:

Figure 1: Emotional Wellbeing

Figure 1 shows that emotional wellbeing comprises of happiness and joy, self-esteem, optimism, lower levels of stress and anxiety, and so on.

Emotional wellbeing, even though being associated with many factors, can also be influenced by a number of aspects of life. One such thing that has a major influence on emotional wellbeing is relationships. Relationships are very essential for individuals. They play a very important part in an individual’s life.

Research shows that relationships shape our personality and have a significant influence on our physical and mental health. New research in social neuroscience suggests that the interactions in relationships have the capacity to reshape the structure of the brain by altering the neural networks.

Clearly, relationships have a very large role to play in an individual’s life. Any kind of relationship, be it friendship, romantic relationship, marital relationship, familial relationships, etc. have their own significance in an individual’s life.

When it comes to relationships, then the first thing that comes to mind is relationship quality, which is perhaps the main guiding force of every relationship. Relationship quality is the positive or negative feelings of an individual about a particular relationship. These feelings are derived from an overall assessment of the relationship, which is based on focusing attention on the relationship and its interaction patterns. It is also based on internal representations and conscious reflections about the particular relationship.

A high relationship quality involves experiences of affection, intimacy, nurturance, and fosters wellbeing. Comparatively, a low relationship quality involves conflict and antagonism.

Relationship quality has been found to be associated with various factors. Based on all the research done on relationship quality, it can be depicted in the following figure (Figure 2a):

Figure 2a: Relationship Quality

Figure 2a shows that relationship quality is associated with factors such as trust, self-esteem, happiness, satisfaction, forgiveness, and so on.

When we have a close look at the right side of figure 2a, separately, and compare with it with figure 1 (emotional wellbeing), then it it can be seen that all the factors of relationship quality are in some way or the other associated with emotional wellbeing. Figure 2b gives a clearer picture:

Figure 2b: Relationship Quality and Emotional Wellbeing

The left part of figure 2b can be easily replaced with the left part of figure 2a, which can be seen as figure 2c:

Figure 2c: Relationship Quality as a component of Emotional Wellbeing

When figure 2a and figure 2b are combined, relationship quality can be clearly seen as a component of emotional wellbeing (figure 2c).

Relationship quality, depending on being high or low, can be seen as the predictor of the course of the relationship. Being a key component of emotional wellbeing, relationship quality, thus, plays a significant role in determining emotional wellbeing.

THE SOCIAL ASPECT OF INTELLIGENCE

Being intelligent is usually associated with being high on academic and intellectual abilities. Years ago, when the first attempts were made to measure intelligence, it indeed took shape and began to be seen as synonymous with academic abilities. Later, when psychologists further explored the concept, it evolved into many other domains.

Intelligence has been a subject matter that has always created a lot of intrigue. A number of philosophers and psychologists have tried to define it in their own ways. Despite the differences in the views, intelligence broadly fell into the category of abstract and mechanical abilities. In 1905, in France, the psychologist Alfred Binet and physician Theodore Simon together developed the first ever psychological test to measure intelligence, known as the Binet-Simon scale. The test was developed to identify children who needed special attention for education in schools.

The test contained a number of age-graded items, which includes some questions related to vocabulary and general knowledge as well as some performance tasks. The test would give a score, termed as intelligence quotient or IQ, which was the measure of the individual’s intelligence. This score was compared with a set of norms according to which the individual would get to know whether his/her intelligence is high, low, or average.

The Binet-Simon scale was later translated and modified by the Stanford psychologist Lewis Terman and named as the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale. The Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale became highly popular and began to be widely used. It is still used today in its revised form.

The popularity of the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale led to the widespread use of IQ. IQ is the ratio of an individual’s mental age and chronological age. Other psychological tests, to measure intelligence, that were developed later, also used the concept of IQ. IQ became a standard way of measuring intelligence and it began to be applied in various settings. It began to be used in education to distinguish between different levels of students. It began to be used for recruitment purposes, and it even began to be used as a factor for diagnosing certain developmental disorders.

Despite its widespread use, the concept of IQ faced a lot of criticism. Intelligence with respect to IQ got limited to cognitive abilities, such as memory and problem solving. These abilities were found to be related to only academic abilities and had nothing to do with day to day life situations. IQ turned out to be just the measure of academic abilities and could only predict academic success, while ignoring other aspects of life. This did not sit well with many theorists, as, according to them, intelligence is not only about academic abilities; it is much more beyond it.

Keeping this in view Edward Throndike came up with the concept of social intelligence, which he said is very different from the general perspective of intelligence. He defined social intelligence as, the ability to understand and manage people, and to act wisely in human relationships. Social intelligence also includes the ability to perceive one’s own and others’ internal states, motives, behaviors, and to act towards them optimally on the basis of that person. According to Throndike, social intelligence is not about academic abilities and is an important factor of success in various life situations.

David Wechsler, one of the most well known theorists of intelligence, distinguished between intellective and non-intellective elements of intelligence. The intellective elements include the usual academic abilities and the non-intellective elements include affective, personal, and social factors.

Wechsler defined intelligence as the global capacity of the individual to act purposefully, think rationally, and deal effectively with the environment. In this definition, the “dealing effectively with the environment” part in some way reflects the social aspect of intelligence. But, it cannot be said to be similar to the concept of social intelligence, which was introduced by Throndike, because Wechsler described it simply as a general aspect of intelligence applied to social situations. Nevertheless, he did slightly touch on the part of the social aspect of intelligence and even suggested that the non-intellective elements of intelligence are very essential to succeed in life.

The Harvard psychologist and educationist, Howard Gardner, in his disagreement with the concept of IQ, came up with his theory of multiple intelligences. Gardner suggested that instead of one kind of intelligence, being related to academic abilities, people actually have many intelligences. Among the eight to nine intelligences, suggested by Gardner, two of them are interpersonal intelligence and intrapersonal intelligence.

Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to make distinctions in the moods, intentions, motivations, and feelings of other people. It includes sensitivity to facial expressions, voice, and gestures; the capacity for discriminating among many different kinds of interpersonal cues; and the ability to respond effectively to those cues in some pragmatic way.

Intrapersonal intelligence is self-knowledge and the ability to act adaptively on the basis of that knowledge. It includes having an accurate picture of oneself; awareness of inner moods, intentions, motivations, temperaments, and desires; and the capacity for self-discipline, self-understanding, and self-esteem.

Gardner categorized these two intelligences as personal intelligences. Personal intelligences broadly include knowledge about the self and others, and, as it can be seen, is the same as social intelligence.

From Gardner’s personal intelligences, John Mayer and Peter Salovey coined the term emotional intelligence. They defined emotional intelligence as the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions. According to Salovey, emotional intelligence can be subdivided into five domains, which are: knowing one’s emotions, managing emotions, motivating oneself, recognizing emotions in others, and handling relationships.

Daniel Goleman further elaborated and extended the concept of emotional intelligence. He introduced a number of behavioral measurements of emotional intelligence and gave many empirical evidences of the benefits of emotional intelligence. To denote the measure of emotional intelligence, he devised the term emotional quotient or EQ, which countered the concept of IQ.

Goleman defined emotional intelligence as the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. Through his research he showed that emotional intelligence is highly beneficial in the areas of education, work, and mental health. He suggested as well as provided research evidences that when it comes to long-term success and success in varied life situations, being high in emotional intelligence is more important than being high in academic abilities.

The immense popularity and widespread applications of emotional intelligence has firmly established the existence of the social aspect of intelligence. More and more research is now being done within this domain of intelligence, which further shows that intelligence is not limited to abstract and mechanical abilities.

According to Goleman, the social aspect of intelligence constitutes of social awareness and social facility. Social awareness includes instantaneously sensing another’s inner state, understanding others feelings and thoughts, and being able to handle complicated social situations. Social facility builds on social awareness to allow smooth and effective interactions.

While academic abilities are important in their own right, it is in no way synonymous with intelligence. Being intelligent may very well mean being academically adept, but it is not limited to it. This is because being intelligent also means that a person is empathetic, sensitive, influential, inspiring, compassionate, exciting, humorous, charming, etc., all are which characteristics of the social aspect of intelligence.

ALIEN ABDUCTION OR FALSE MEMORY SYNDROME?

In the past decade and a half, more and more people are coming out in the open and sharing their experiences of being abducted by aliens. Alien abductions, supposedly, have been taking place for more than fifty years. Earlier people used to be very hesitant in talking about it publicly for the fear of being ridiculed and trivialized.

In the recent past, there have been a number of alleged UFO (Unidentified Flying Objects) sightings all over the world and there has been a lot of curiosity about extra-terrestrial life. Quite a few people have been accepting the possibility of the existence of intelligent beings in the outer space. People are now becoming more aware about the concepts such as UFOs, aliens, extra-terrestrial life, etc.

This is, perhaps, the reason why people, who claim to be abducted by aliens, do not hesitate any more to talk about all the events that had occurred with them. They are comfortable to face the world and come out in the open to share their experiences of, what they claim to be, being abducted by aliens.

Josef Allen Hynek, who was an astronomer and later became a UFO researcher (or Ufologist), has scaled various encounters with aliens into different levels. According to him, alien abductions are called close encounters of the fourth kind, in which people are actually taken inside a UFO. Most of the times, people, who are supposedly abducted by aliens, tend to forget about it. The whole incident of being abducted by aliens gets erased from their conscious memory.

People claiming to be abducted by aliens, out of nowhere, start suffering from a number of psychological and physiological symptoms, which include anxiety attacks, insomnia, vomiting, extreme thirst, loss of appetite, eye irritation, dry mouth, scars, rashes, and blisters. They also have vague dreams of being abducted by aliens. Many of them also develop a phobia of clowns and dwarfs. They become extremely worried about all these symptoms, because they are unable to figure out the reasons behind it.

It is only when they go under hypnosis, they are able to recall all the series of events that had occurred recently and they come to realize that they were abducted by aliens.

In their description of events, the supposed alien abductees reveal that they were taken into a huge space-craft. They say that they were tied down to a bed, which was inside a large and extremely clean room and that they were surrounded by strange creatures (some describe them as human-like and some describe them to be not at all human-like). They also tell that the aliens completely undress them and do a full medical examination.

According to them, the aliens take blood samples, saliva samples, skin scrapings, hair locks, and nail clippings. Some people also say that the aliens forcibly have sexual intercourse with them. All these descriptions are corroborated by putting them through a lie-detector test. There is also a high level of similarity in descriptions of alien abductions in different countries all over the world, and not just one small place.

Another highly astonishing thing about alien abductions is alien implants in the body of the abductees. While getting a medical examination done by doctors, X-rays and magnetic resonance images (MRIs) have shown foreign objects in the body of many of the abductees. These objects are mostly found in the arms, legs, and head of the individuals.

Many of such alien implants have been removed and studied in scientific laboratories. It has been found that they emit a strong electromagnetic field and that there is no foreign-body reaction in surrounding human tissue. The implants are metallic, made with iron that is usually found in meteorites. They are also fluorescent and glow under ultraviolet light. The implants, also, seem to be artificially created and not natural. Ufologists believe that alien implants are the best evidence of the existence of aliens. The purpose of putting implants in bodies has been speculated to be tracking or controlling the mind of the individual.

Apart from this, there are other intriguing stories associated with alien abductees. People who are abducted by aliens seem to have a history of abductions in their family. People from different generations of the same family have been victims of abduction. If a person is abducted then there is a strong possibility that the near and dear ones of that person will also be abducted sooner or later. A person may not be abducted only once. Some have been abducted a number of times, almost to the extent of getting used to it. They have been abducted so many times that they actually start waiting to be abducted again.

Many of the alien abduction cases have been extensively studied by Ufologists. A lot of these cases have been found out to be true. Some of the cases have been extremely popular and a couple of them have been made into feature films. (The specific cases are not discussed over here because they can be found anywhere. Also, discussing about specific cases is not the purpose of this article).

Despite the ufologists claiming and providing evidence that many of the cases of alien abduction being true, some of the techniques involved in investigating these cases create doubts.

The lie-detector or polygraph is one such thing. A polygraph is an instrument that is used to detect whether a person is lying or not. The instrument involves the measurement of some physiological indicators such as blood pressure, pulse rate, respiration, and skin conductivity, while the person is asked a series of questions. The underlying belief is that if the person will lie then there will be a rise in the physiological measures compared to when the person is not lying.

Research shows that when a person is lying or being deceptive then there is an increase in the aforementioned physiological indicators. However, this may not happen all the time. Many people have the ability to control their physiological reactions and be calm and composed while telling a lie. A number of criminals have been found out to have easily duped the polygraph and pass the lie-detector test. There are also people who tend to become nervous, especially when a device is attached to them and even if they are not lying, due to their nervousness the increase in their physiological responses will indicate that they are lying.

It is this fallacy of the polygraph that it used only as a tool for investigation in criminal cases, but is not accepted as concrete evidence in courts. In the cases of alien abductions, the narration of abductees is corroborated by putting them through a lie detector test. But, the lie-detector itself is not a reliable device and thus narrations being corroborated by a lie-detector test is not good enough.

Apart from the polygraph, another thing that is very common among all the cases of alien abduction is hypnosis. As mentioned before, it is only under hypnosis that most of the abductees are able to recall that they were abducted by aliens. Under hypnosis they are able to recall each of the events that had occurred, which had been missing from their conscious memory.

Hypnosis is an artificially created state of consciousness that is characterized by an intense absorption with internal experience and a voluntary suspension of normal awareness of outside stimuli. It involves a high level of suggestibility. In this dissociated state of focused awareness, it is possible to influence voluntary and involuntary behavior through suggestion. According to James Braid, the Scottish surgeon, who coined the term hypnotism in early the 19th century, hypnotism is a mental condition, which increases the susceptibility to suggestion.

The first use of hypnosis was by the French physician, Franz Mesmer, in the late 18th century. He used it to treat his patients of hysteria, a disorder in which people complain about physiological symptoms that have no underlying biological cause. At that time hypnosis was called mesmerism. Later, mesmerism went through many modifications and as it got renamed as hypnosis, it began to become very popular among physicians, who used it extensively to treat people with various psychological disorders.

Over the years, newer therapies began to emerge and it was found that, in some cases, hypnosis was not very effective compared to some of the other therapies. Research shows that, at times, the symptoms that are treated with hypnosis re-emerge within a few weeks or months. Even Sigmund Freud, one of the most popular figures in Psychology, and also one of the earlier users of hypnosis, was not satisfied with it. Freud used hypnosis in the beginning of his career, but did not find it to be very effective.

Freud had three specific reasons for not being happy with hypnosis. First, not everyone can be hypnotized; hence, its usefulness is limited to a select group. Second, some patients refused to believe what they revealed under hypnosis. Third, when one set of symptoms was alleviated under hypnotic suggestibility, new symptoms often emerged. It was because of these reasons that Freud rejected hypnosis as a form of therapy and began using catharsis, later modified as free association, in which patients were encouraged to speak of anything that comes to mind, regardless of how discomforting or embarrassing it might be. The rejection of hypnosis by someone like Sigmund Freud in favour of another therapy tells a lot about its credibility.

Hypnosis majorly involves recovery of lost memories, when it comes to treatment of psychological disorders. Many a times, when people face some trauma in their childhood, the traumatic experience due to being extremely painful gets repressed in the memory. In the other words, the painful memories are forgotten unconsciously. The person does not deliberately forget everything, it just gets lost within the unconscious and subconscious mind of the individual.

As the person grows older, the same painful repressed memories somehow emerge as psychological symptoms that lead to dysfunctional behavior. The hypnotist, the person who induces hypnosis, then tries to recover those lost memories to know the underlying causes of the dysfunctional behaviors, which will lead to the treatment of the individual. This is where things become complicated.

Since hypnosis involves a lot of suggestibility, it has been found that many a times, the person under hypnosis says exactly what the hypnotist wants him/her to say. At times, the things that a hypnotist says may lead the narration of the individual to something that is completely off track. This suggestibility of the hypnotist leads the individual to narrate such instances that have never occurred in his/her life, which are mistaken as lost memories. This tendency of narrating events that have never occurred in the individual’s life is known as the creation of false memories.

A false memory is a fabricated or distorted recollection of an event that did not actually happen. False memories can be extended to such an extent within an individual that it may become a syndrome, known as false memory syndrome. False memory syndrome is the belief that one remembers events, especially traumatic and remote in time, which has not actually occurred.

According to the Yale University psychologist John Kihlstrom, a false memory syndrome is a condition in which a person’s identity and interpersonal relationships are centered around a memory of traumatic experience, which is objectively false but in which the person strongly believes. Kihlstrom, further, states that the syndrome may be diagnosed when the memory is so deeply ingrained that it orients the individual’s personality and lifestyle, in turn disrupting all sorts of other adaptive behavior.

There have been a large number of cases in which people, after coming out of hypnotherapy, have believed that they were sexually abused by their parents or relatives during their childhood. The surprising thing about these cases is that there has been no forensic evidence of them being sexually abused. The lack of forensic evidence in these cases has led investigators to conclude that their belief in being sexually abused are actually false memories that were created due to hypnosis.

There has been no proper explanation of how such narrations emerge under hypnotic induction. One explanation is that people get to know about things through books and media and later get lost as hidden memories. While being under hypnosis, suggestibility on part on the hypnotist, leads them to recover those hidden memories, which are then falsely believed to have occurred in their own lives.

It is very likely that the narrations given by the supposed alien abductees are false memories that have been created exactly in the same way of those who believe that they were sexually abused in their childhood.

Folklorist and ufologist Thomas Bullard has a different perspective on this. Based on a number of extensive studies, Bullard found that hypnosis does effect the narrations of alien abductees, but only the peripheral aspects of it and not the central or concrete aspects of the narrations. He says that there are very minor distortions in the narrations of alien abductees and that their narrations are largely actual events. Bullard is one of the first mainstream academicians to be extensively involved in ufology. His work in ufology is given high regard and even a few critics of ufology find his work to be impressive.

False memories may not always be due hypnosis. The personality characteristic of fantasy-proneness is also associated with false memories. The life of people who are high on fantasy-proneness is full of fantasies. They spend a lot of their time fantasizing and when they imagine something they find it to be very real. Their fantasies are so profound that very often they are unable to differentiate between reality and imagination. This makes them very likely to have false memories also.

Fantasy-prone personalities are also high on the trait of hypnotizibility, which makes them highly susceptible for hypnosis and further makes them likely to have false memories. Fantasy-proneness has been found to be related to a number of people who have paranormal experiences, such as out of body experiences. However, a strong link of it has not been found with people claiming to be abducted by aliens. Some supposed alien abductees have been found to be high on fantasy-proneness, whereas many of them have no association with fantasy-proneness.

Some people have memory dissociations, which may also cause false memories. Dissociation of memories is the segregation of mental processes from the conscious mind. Dissociativeness usually occurs among those who have faced traumas in their childhood. It has been found that the tendency to dissociate is a defense mechanism that allows traumatized children to escape the unbearable realities of their lives, thus, becoming more likely to have false memories.

Research shows that many of the people who claim to be abducted by aliens have had some kind of traumatic experience in their childhood. This is a very important finding and shows that perhaps alien abductions are in fact false memories. Harvard psychologist and author of the book Remembering Trauma, Richard McNally, through his research found out that the emotional and physiological reactions of supposed abductees towards tapes of their alien encounters is strikingly similar to that of people when they recall the traumatic events that they experienced in their childhood.

False memories are also associated with psychotic symptoms such as delusions and hallucinations, which are usually found in disorders such as schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, and schizotypal personality disorder. But, research shows that none of the supposed alien abductees have any kind of psychological disorder.

Similar to false memory syndrome is confabulation. Confabulation involves spontaneous production of false memories of events that have never taken place or events that are displaced in time or space. It results from neurological dysfunction.

A specific kind of confabulation known as fantastic confabulation, which involve spontaneous outpouring of irrelevant associations and bizarre ideas can be related to the narrations of alien abductees. Like in false memory syndrome, distortions in the events are not deliberately created. People who are having confabulations are unaware that their memories are erroneous.

Confabulations are usually associated with Korsakoff’s syndrome, which is a severe dementia caused due to the effects of alcohol. It is also common in people who have abnormalities in their frontal lobe, the front-side of the brain associated with cognitive processes, and also those who have normal brain injuries.

Even though it seems to be very likely that some of the supposed alien abductees might be confabulating, none of such neurological dysfunctions associated with confabulations are found with such people.

The cognitive neuroscientist, Michael Persinger, has given an interesting theory in order to explain alien abductions, which gave him a lot of public attention. According to Persinger, abnormalities in the temporal lobe, the brain area associated with hearing and memory, creates unusual mental activity that make the person believe that he/she is having paranormal experiences, including being abducted by aliens.

Another theory of Persinger, known as the Tectonic Strain theory says that movements in the tectonic plates in the earth’s crust has something to do with the feeling of being abducted by aliens. Persinger claims that the severe activity in tectonic plates due to earthquakes produce intense electromagnetic fields and create hallucinations in the temporal lobes of individuals. These hallucinations are based on the events that are popular in the media, the most prominent being activities related to aliens and UFOs. Persinger says that this is what makes people believe that they were abducted by aliens.

There have been a few alien abduction cases that coincide with earthquakes, but there has been no such proof regarding it. Ufologists do not believe in the tectonic strain theory of Persinger.

There has been quite a lot of research that shows a strong association of false memories and false memory syndrome with that of alien abductions. This gives an idea that perhaps the narrations of alien abductions are actually false memories resulting from false memory syndrome and are not actual events.

On the other hand, there has been no explanation for the physiological symptoms such as the strange scars and blisters that alien abductees experience. The highly astonishing alien implants found in the bodies of alien abductees are also inexplicable. These things clearly have nothing to do to with false memories.

In cases where multiple people have been abducted at the same time, the narrations of each abductee, taken separately have produced striking similarities. Investigations have shown that it is quite unlikely that they had pre-decided what to say before a narration. In some cases, there have been UFO sightings in nearby areas when a supposed abduction has taken place, which adds to its authenticity.

Alien abduction cases are growing in number day by day. Some have been proven as hoaxes, but most of them have proven not to be a hoax. Countries like USA, Canada, Russia, France, Germany, and Australia have a large number of support groups for alien abductees. These support groups function in the same way as the support groups of alcoholics and other substance abusers. Such a large number of abductees all over the world having false memory syndrome seems to be a little far-fetched.

In the past few years, there has been a growing interest in the fields of ufology, the scientific study of UFOs, and xenology, the scientific study of all forms of extra-terrestrial life. Established people from fields such as astronomy, astrobiology, physics, anthropology, psychiatry, and psychology are turning into ufologists and xenologists. There are also quite a few research organizations of ufology, such as The J. Allen Hynek Center for UFO Studies (CUFOS) and The Mutual UFO Network (MUFON). These research organizations publish their own quarterly and monthly journals. All this enthusiasm and curiosity shows that there is something out there, which is mysterious and paranormal, yet believable, that needs to be known.

Ufologists as well as skeptics of alien abductions, both have their own strong point of views. It becomes difficult to take sides. It is hard to decide whether alien abductions are actual events or narrations resulting from false memory syndrome. One thing is for sure that for alien abductions to be seen as hardcore reality and taken seriously, there have to be better methodologies to investigate them, in order to provide more concrete evidences.

PS: To read more about aliens and extraterrestrial life, refer to my article, Aliens: A Myth or Reality?

THE RELATIONSHIPS OF PEOPLE WITH PERSONALITY DISORDERS (PART III)

[Continued from PART II]

The cluster of anxious/fearful personality disorder comprises of avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.

People with avoidant personality disorder (APD) shy away from other people because they are afraid of being criticized or embarrassed, or worry that they will appear foolish. They have a very low self-esteem and a strong fear of rejection. They are so sensitive to criticism that they often misinterpret innocent comments as negative or critical. They feel inadequate, which makes them inhibited in social situations. They believe that they are so unappealing that they think no one would want to know them or be friends with them.

People with APD usually tend to avoid relationships. Because they are so uncomfortable around people, they usually have very few or no close friends other than someone in their immediate family. They will usually refuse to be in a relationship unless they are sure that the other person will like and accept them. They are usually distant and restrained in romantic relationships because they are afraid of being made fun of or ashamed if they reveal too much about themselves. Avoidant personalities typically feel depressed and angry at themselves because of their social failure.

Dependent personality disorder (DPD) mainly characterizes dependence on others. They are fearful or incapable of making their own decisions. They doubt their ability to take care of themselves, which makes extremely submissive. They face a lot of difficulty in making day to day decisions and even expressing their own opinion.

People with DPD have an extreme fear of abandonment. They have an extreme need for support and care from others and because of that they are willing to compromise their own interests in order to avoid being alone. Because of being incapable of taking care of themselves, people with DPD will remain in unpleasant situations rather than live alone. Often they will find themselves trapped in emotionally and physically abusive relationships, because of the fear of being alone. They will even tolerate infidelity of their spouse, because they feel that if they will protest then their spouse will leave them. They are even willing to do unpleasant things in order to stay in relationship and not get abandoned.

The main features of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) are excessive preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control. Their perfectionism often prevents them from finishing projects, because they are never satisfied by their work. They are considered workaholics and rarely take vacations. However, their perfectionism leads them to a lot of trouble at work, which prevents them from making proper decisions. They often have problems prioritizing and end up missing deadlines. They tend to be very thrifty and thingy. They are also often highly deferential to authority and morals.

People with OCPD do not acknowledge others’ opinions and always feel that everything must be done according to them. They are very critical of themselves and others. Friends and family members often find them rigid, stubborn, and difficult. They make challenging spouses because they are rarely spontaneous or able to relax. They might end up with a series of divorces and are often depressed and lonely.

It is very obvious that people with personality disorders have relationships that are not at all satisfying. Some are aloof and live like loners, some are extremely demanding and needy, while others can be very difficult and at times violent. Their tumultuous relationships further adds to their troubles and misery.

Personality disorders are highly generalized. It affects almost every aspect of the life of people with these disorders. They are also long standing and the behavior patterns associated with it are quite consistent.

This makes people with personality disorders not to see their conditions as a problem. They feel that this is the way that they are. When others have difficulties with them, they do not see it as their fault. They, in fact, feel that others’ are not being able to understand them. This is why they feel that they do not need any kind of treatment.

Personality disorders are also accompanied by other problems, such as mood disorders and substance abuse, which are known as comorbid disorders. Due to this, people with personality disorders are, many a times, misdiagnosed.

It becomes very difficult to identify the main causes of distress of people with personality disorders. They are, usually, treated for problems that are lesser in degree and importance, while their main problems remain unresolved.

[PART I]

THE RELATIONSHIPS OF PEOPLE WITH PERSONALITY DISORDERS (PART II)

[Continued from PART I]

The cluster of dramatic/emotional/erratic includes histrionic personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and anti-social personality disorder.

The main features of histrionic personality disorder (HPD) are self-dramatization and a set of attention-seeking behaviors that include seductiveness, exaggerated displays of emotions, and demands for reassurance and praise. Such emotional displays are manipulative and are aimed at attracting attention and sympathy. They always try to be the center of attention. Seductive or sexually provocative behavior is a way they use to seek attention. They tend to be frequently and inappropriately flirtatious. Initially, they seem to creative, entertaining, and charming, but later turn out to be shallow and self-centered.

Maintaining a relationship with histrionic personalities can be exhaustive. Their relationships are fragile. They often alienate their friends with their demands for constant attention. They are easily bored and highly susceptible to group pressures. Their frequent seductiveness makes it challenging for them to have friendships with the same sex. Individuals with HPD are quick to make friends, but have a difficult time keeping them. Since they are easily bored, they often quickly abandon a friend when they meet someone else they find more interesting.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) mainly features extreme vanity, grandiosity, and a need for admiration. People with NPD seek attention and demand admiration. They are highly self-centered and lack empathy. They brag about their achievements and entertain grandiose ideas about their abilities. They are prone to feelings of rage and humiliation if others ignore or criticize them. They also, at times, tend to behave irresponsibly, to the extent of being anti-social. They believe of themselves to be unique and deserving of special treatment. They behave in such a manner to protect their weak self-image.

Relationships of people with NPD are usually superficial and difficult. They are exploitative, choosing friends on the basis of what they can get from them. They demand a lot of favours and give little in return. They usually form friendships or romantic relationships if the person seems to enhance their self-esteem. They alienate others with their inflated self-esteem, excessive bragging, and exaggeration of their abilities. Due to all this people with NPD have long histories erratic interpersonal relationships.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is primarily marked by instability of mood, self-image, and interpersonal relationships. It involves difficulties in establishing a secure self-identity, distrust, impulsive and self-destructive behavior, and difficulty in controlling anger and other emotions. They also experience major episodes of depression, which is linked feelings of extreme self-condemnation, feelings of emptiness, and fears of abandonment.

People with BPD have stormy and unstable relationships. They want close and meaningful relationships, but their unpredictability drives others away. Their excessive moody, needy, and demanding behavior makes them very difficult fiends or partners. Their relationships are filled passion, love, and hate. For them people are either all good or all bad. At one moment a person can be kind and generous for them, and at the other moment, the same person can be cruel and evil. Dealing with people with BPD is extremely difficult. Even if they want to, others cannot end their relationship with them. An intense fear of rejection and abandonment causes these people to behave frantically and desperately to seek attention of others. Such behaviors mainly include suicide attempts and self-mutilation. Because they lack stable relationships, people with BPD are always accompanied by feelings of loneliness.

Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) by a persistent and pervasive disregard for and violation of the rights of others. They have a predatory attitude towards other people. They are continuously engaged in behaviors that are harmful to others and are indifferent towards how their behavior might affect others. They show a consistent failure to obey the law and may engage in such acts as destruction of property, harassing others, or theft. They do not feel any guilt for the acts they do. They are cynical, callous, arrogant, extremely intelligent and at times charming. They are manipulative and potentially dangerous people.

People with ASPD usually have turbulent relationships. They are often irritable and aggressive and indulge in physical fights. Their aggression may extent to family members. People with ASPD are often involved in domestic violence. As parents they may be extremely irresponsible, abandoning their children and family members on the spur of moment without arranging any financial support.

This is the end of Part II. The next (and final) part will be about the relationships of people with personality disorders that come under the anxious/fearful cluster.

[PART III]

THE RELATIONSHIPS OF PEOPLE WITH PERSONALITY DISORDERS (PART I)

This article will be posted in three different parts.

A personality disorder is defined as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible, and has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment.

Personality disorders can be understood in terms of personality traits. Personality traits are relatively stable and long lasting patterns of thoughts, actions, and feelings, which are unique to each individual. These traits determine each person to behave in a usual manner. When these traits become inflexible and maladaptive in such a way that they cause a lot of distress and functional impairment, then it becomes a personality disorder.

People with personality disorders consistently display distorted ways of thinking, expressing emotions, controlling behavior, and interacting with others. This becomes highly problematic not only for them, but for others who interact with them. In fact, it has been found in some instances that people with personality disorders create less trouble for themselves and more for others with whom they interact with. It is this feature of people with personality disorders that makes it intriguing to have a closer look at the kind of relationships they maybe having with others.

There are mainly ten different types of personality disorders, which are divided into three categories or clusters. The three clusters of personality disorders are: odd/eccentric, dramatic/emotional/erratic, and anxious/fearful.

The odd/eccentric cluster comprises of three personality disorders, which are: paranoid personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, and schizotypal personality disorder.

Paranoid personality disorder (PPD) mainly characterizes of being overly suspicious and extremely mistrustful. They always have the feeling that others will harm them or take advantage of them, even if they do not have any evidence of it. They feel suspicious in almost all situations and with almost all people. They are argumentative, become aggressive easily, experience intense jealousy, are humourless, and unemotional, which makes them appear to dislike others and be incapable of intimacy. All this makes a drastic effect on their social and emotional adjustment.

People with PPD have significant problems in their social relationships. They have very few friends, which do not last long due to their suspiciousness towards them. They have trouble in forgiving and forgetting. They constantly question the motives of their colleagues, friends, and family, and doubt their loyalty and trustworthiness. They also do not confide with others because they feel that the information that they will share will be used against them. They act distant, cold, and tend to avoid groups. Due to their continuous suspiciousness of others’ motives, they usually spend their life as a loner.

The main features of schizoid personality disorder (SPD) are a severely restricted range of emotions and an indifference to social relationships. Schizoid personalities experience a constant emotional blandness. They do not seem to experience the emotions, such as warmth, pleasure, disappointment, hurt, which are part of ordinary social life. In severe cases they are completely unable to seek pleasure.

In general people with SPD are unskilled in social situations. Due to their social awkwardness, they appear to be superficial or self-absorbed. They are incapable of noticing other people’s social, emotional, and interpersonal cues. They appear to have little or no interest in relationships. They are detached from other people, prefer to be alone, and are mostly involved in solitary activities. They are typically indifferent to potential romances and friendships. They are often distant from their families, they rarely marry, and have no close friends. Apart from a relative, such as a parent or a sibling, they rarely maintain a close relationship.

People with schizotypal personality disorder (STPD) manifest odd speech, behavior, thinking, and perception. They exhibit a highly eccentric behavior, such as they dress up and talk in an odd manner. They also claim to have magical thinking. For instance, they claim to predict the future, read the thoughts of others, and communicate with animals.

Schizotypal personalities experience social and emotional problems. They are socially isolated and tend to shun people. They are unskilled socially and are often unable to pick up social cues of others. Their idiosyncrasy and eccentricity makes others feel awkward and see them as socially stiff. This in turn makes them feel awkward around others. People with STPD seldom have close friends outside their own families, and other people tend to see them as silly or absurd. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, people with STPD get bothered by their lack of interpersonal relationships. They want to feel connected with people, but are unable to make social connections.

This is the end of Part I. The next part will be about the relationships of people with personality disorders that are in the dramatic/emotional/erratic cluster.

[PART II]

SOCIAL SKILLS AND WORK LIFE

This article is loosely based on my research paper that I presented at the 6th Annual HR Meet, which was held in New Delhi.

Work is not just about technical skills. Knowing the technicalities of work are of course a necessity, because one has to know what is required to do. However, there are a number of other skills that go hand in hand with the technical skills that are highly important.

Any kind of work requires some kind of interaction with others. An individual in a workplace has to interact with all kinds of people. The person has to interact with the boss, colleagues, and people who are at lower positions. Therefore, getting along with people becomes essential. If the interaction is improper then it may create a lot of discomfort within the work environment.

Interaction with all kinds of people does not only imply people belonging to different positions, but it also implies individual differences, such as differences in personality. Every person has their own way of behaving. To have a congenial environment in the workplace, the individual has to have a proper interaction with each and every person keeping in mind their individual differences.

In a workplace, very often, an individual is required to work in a team. He/she may have people that are completely different from the individual. There may also be people who are somewhat moody and can be irritable. Some may also want things to go according to them, no matter what happens. Such people can be quite difficult to work with. Despite all this, the individual has to get along with everyone and work effectively with them.

At work, most of the interaction that takes place is work-related and thus getting along well with others becomes a factor in being successful on the job. Research shows that the major reason for which people lose their job is not because they do not know their work properly. It is because of inappropriate behavior and having difficulties with interpersonal relationships. Those who do not lose their job are stuck in one position and are not promoted.

Apart from appropriateness of behavior, having good interpersonal skills have been found to be very important in a workplace. Interpersonal skills include a varied range of skills, such as appropriate understanding of the situation and reacting accordingly, understanding the specific mood and emotions of others, being able to resolve conflicts, being able to channelize one’s own mood and emotions, not letting our emotions get the better of us, etc.

Having good interpersonal skills has been found to be majorly useful for managers. Research shows that the difference between a successful manager and a not-so-successful one is having good interpersonal skills. Good interpersonal skills are highly effective for team building and leadership activities. To make his/her subordinates to comply, a leader has to have good interpersonal skills.

Getting along well with others has also been found to be related to a highly significant aspect of work, which is job satisfaction. Working effectively with others not only enhances the quality of work, but it also enhances the quality of work life on the whole.

An individual spends a lot of his/her time at the workplace and thus having good relationships helps a lot in liking that particular job. It has been found that no matter how exciting a job maybe, if the individual does not get along well with others then he/she may not find the job to be interesting enough. On the other hand, if the individual has good and healthy relationships at the workplace then even the most routine job will seem to be enjoyable.

The work of a person constitutes a very significant aspect of one’s life. In some ways, the work a person does forms the identity of that person. Keeping this in view, it becomes very important that an individual enjoys the job that he/she is doing. To enjoy one’s job, it becomes important that the individual likes the surroundings and feels very comfortable at the workplace. Getting along well with others plays a very important role in achieving this.

An individual has to spend a lot of time with his/her co-workers. Perhaps the time spent with co-workers is more than that is spent with friends and family. Having good interpersonal relations and working effectively with others makes work hassle-free.

In today’s day and age everyone goes through a lot of work pressure, which leads to a very stressful life. A congenial work environment helps to a great degree in dealing with the work pressures and coping with stress. All this enhances the quality of work life, which in turn enhances the quality of our entire life. A stress-free work environment leads to a stress-free life.

Social skills can affect our work life in more ways than one. Having appropriate social skills in a workplace enables success on the job, enhancement of quality of work, job satisfaction, enhancement of the quality of work life, and good mental health. Therefore, appropriate social skills are equally important to the technical aspects of work, if not more than that. Socials skills, thus, play a very important role in our work life.

XENOGLOSSY: POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS?

This is a continuation of one of my previous articles about Xenoglossy. Xenoglossy is the alleged speaking of a language that is entirely unknown to the individual. The person speaks the language fluently, even though he/she has never heard it before. In my previous article, about xenoglossy, I had written about how it cannot be explained by the language acquisition theories. In this article I’ll be focusing on the possible explanations of xenoglossy.

Researchers have given a number of elucidations for xenoglossy. But, how much do these completely explicate xenoglossy is debatable.

The most widely researched explanation for xenoglossy is reincarnation. It is believed that when a person speaks a language that he/she has not heard of, then the person might be fluent in that language in his/her previous birth. The person at times begins to speak such a language because he/she was a person who could speak this language fluently in his/her previous incarnation. The speaking of that particular language becomes more accurate when the person is in a state of hypnosis.

Reincarnation has been given a lot of emphasis in parapsychology. There have been a number of researches as well as claims about it, but there has not yet been any clear evidence of it. It is a strong belief in a few religions, but is yet to be scientifically proven. Reincarnation could very well be an explanation for xenoglossy, but there are too many doubts about reincarnation itself. Till those doubts are not cleared, it makes it difficult to be an explanation for something else.

Spirit possession is another explanation that is given for xenoglossy. The person who suddenly starts speaking a language that he/she has not heard before is believed to be actually a spirit that has taken over the body of that person. It is believed that the person gets possessed by a spirit that speaks in the language that is unknown to that person. The spirit is said to be trying to reveal some kind of message by doing so.

Like reincarnation, spirit possession is something that has endless claims. The belief in spirits and spirit possession seems to be there since forever. There have even been eyewitnesses to spirit possession. It also has its roots in many religions. People have tried very hard to prove the existence of spirits. Some have used many high-tech devices through which they claim to have proven the presence of spirits at a particular moment. But, all this has turned out to be just speculation and nothing else.

Skeptics have their own interpretations of spirit possession. They say that spirit possession is an altered state of consciousness. According to them, there is no such thing as spirit possession. They believe that rather than being possessed by a spirit, the person is in a state of heightened energy levels due to which he/she performs unimaginable acts. These unimaginable acts make people believe that the person has been possessed by a spirit.

The high energy levels that the person experiences is one of the reasons given for the speaking of a language that the person has not heard before. But, no one really knows how does this actually happen. In all, even the interpretation of spirit possession by the skeptics does not do full justice to the explanation of xenoglossy.

Telepathy is something that is quite often used as an explanation for xenoglossy. Telepathy is the apparent transfer of information between two people through their mind, beyond the five senses of human beings. Individuals involved in telepathy claim to be reading the thoughts of each other. It is said that when a person speaks a language that he/she has never heard of, then that person is connected to someone else, through telepathy, who is actually speaking those words.

Telepathy is a widely talked about phenomenon. It seems to have been existing since ancient times. It is believed that only a person with an extremely high spiritual awareness can be involved in telepathy. This can quite possibly explicate xenoglossy. But, again there has never been any concrete evidence for telepathy and this weakens its claim to explain xenoglossy.

Probably the most captivating explanation of xenoglossy is the genetic transmission of language. Research shows that language has a genetic base. There is strong evidence that dyslexia has genetic factors. But, the same logic being used for xenoglossy is mootable. Perhaps more research in this area will shed greater light.

Among all the explanations of xenoglossy, the most valid one seems to be cryptonesia. Cryptonesia is the unconscious learning of a language. Every now and then people perceive a number of stimuli. It can be possible that a language that a person has never heard of may be unconsciously stored in the long term memory, only to be revealed in emotionally arousing situations.

The revealing of the unheard language in an emotionally arousing situation can be somewhat related to the concept of flashbulb memory. Flashbulb memories are highly detailed and vivid snapshots of previous events occurring due to something that is consequential or emotionally arousing. The same thing can be said about the speaking of a language that has been unconsciously learnt.

Cryptonesia can also be seen similar to subliminal perception and subliminal learning. Subliminal perception is the perception of stimuli that is beyond conscious awareness, which influences our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Likewise, subliminal learning is the learning that occurs unconsciously. There is ample of research evidence for both subliminal perception and subliminal learning.

Cryptonesia is not just about learning a language unconsciously. It has also been termed as the learning of a language in early childhood and then forgetting it with the passage of time leaving small traces of it in the memory. This is something that is very much plausible. In fact, this is exactly what has been found out to be in a few cases of xenoglossy.

However, cryptonesia explains xenoglossy only partially. No matter how valid cryptonesia is in explaining xenoglossy, it still falls short in explicating it completely. In some cases of xenoglossy, the whole history of the person has been traced and it has been found that the person has never been exposed to the language, even unconsciously.

Apart from that, in some cases the person has been found to speak an extremely ancient language that has been extinct since ages. There have also been cases in which a person speaks a language that has never existed or is unimaginable. For instance, in one case it was found out to be that the person was speaking the language of Atlantis and in another the person was found out to be speaking the language of Mars.

One can question that how did researchers come to figure out that the person is speaking a language of some place that does not even exist or does not have any life. It might sound to be absolutely weird, but even if we exclude the language of Atlantis and Mars, the speaking of an ancient and extinct language cannot be explained by cryptonesia. This is what also weakens the claim of telepathy being one of the explanations of xenoglossy.

There have been many ways in which researchers have tried to explain xenoglossy. None of them have been able to display any clarity about it. Cryptonesia can be said to be something that comes really close to give some clarifications about xenoglossy. However, it does so only partially. Perhaps we may never be able to completely know the mystery behind it.

Whatever may be the explanation, one thing that cannot be denied is that the phenomenon of xenoglossy is highly numinous and intriguing in nature.

PS: To read more about Xenoglossy, refer to my article, Xenoglossy: Is It Really Possible?